I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
