I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
