woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
