May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
