this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
