what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
