It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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