he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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