her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
