we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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