This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
