Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
