just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
