my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
