Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
