oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
