Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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