my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
