Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
