i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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