omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
