I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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