Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
