Small penises have feelings too.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
did i just pee glitter
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
