Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
