Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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