there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
