I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm going to jail i love you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
