This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
