maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
