Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
