you traded sex for a burrito?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
50% drunk capacity currently
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
