gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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