There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
