I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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