And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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