oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
