I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
