Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
