Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
