The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
