Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
