Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
