My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
