I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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