I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
