Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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