Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
