i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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