WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
