I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
